It's Always Been You Read online

  Liz and Tony pretty much raised me, which was why I wasn’t surprised when Connor said, “You know they expect you to be there right? They’d be crushed if you didn’t show up.”

  I sighed heavily knowing he was right. They saw me as a son as much as I saw them as parents, which made my crush on Owen that much weirder. But I never saw him as a brother like I did with Connor. Owen was just… everything. Then we shared that night together and he became nothing because he turned into a fucking ghost. Not only did he leave in the dead of night, but he’d blocked me on all social media; it was like he wanted to erase that I was from his life. It had hurt at first but then I realized it was for the best. But it looked like he was going to have to face me whether he liked it or not.

  “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

  “Good man,” Connor said before he patted me on the shoulder and stood from the chair. “I’ll see you tomorrow night. Dinner’s at eight at The Cheesecake Factory.” He said goodbye to the other staff, and I watched him leave. When he was out the door, I let out a loud groan.

  I was not prepared to see Owen again, but it couldn’t be avoided. It was time to face the past.

  Chapter Two

  Owen

  When the plane landed at Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, my stomach was in knots and not from the plane ride. No, I was used to being on planes. It was a part of my life. What had me in knots was going home. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see my brother and my parents, it had been almost a year and a half since I’d seen them. No, I was dreading seeing Benjamin freaking Cole. The man who had haunted my dreams for almost eight years.

  I should have been over him after avoiding him for so long, but I wasn’t. How could I get over the man when he shattered everything I thought I knew, in one, passion filled night. I’d always found Benji attractive. But as he got older and began to fill out more, it was damn near impossible not to drool over him. He was hot as fuck and when I’d come home that week from college, it had been impossible to resist him.

  I’d watched him for two weeks walking around in swim trunks and nothing more. He was only eighteen and was built like a man in his mid-twenties. He was sex on legs and my poor balls had been aching for days. What killed me the most was his innocence. He was such a good, sweet kid and he had no flipping idea how hot he was. Some guys played the coy act well, but with Benji, it was one hundred percent genuine and it got my motor running.

  I knew it was wrong, perving on my little brothers’ best friend but Benji just did it for me. I knew I was playing with fire that night I heard him and Connor trying to sneak into the house. But I’d been at my breaking point. I’d left the door open on purpose, knowing he had to walk by to get to his room. I’d seen the way he looked at me and I knew he was interested. I took a chance and it had paid off. He’d blown my entire mind that night and when it was over, I was utterly addicted. I knew there was no way I could keep my hands off of him if I stuck around and I didn’t want to affect his friendship with Connor or his relationship with my parents. It was why I’d left that same night. I had no self-control and after having a taste of him, I knew I’d forever crave more.

  Now I was headed home, and I knew I’d have to face him. I didn’t know what I was walking into. I knew from Connor that they had opened up a tattoo shop and it was doing amazingly well. He’d told me about their TV special and being the sadist I was, I watched. I watched and nearly fell off my bed when Benji appeared. He’d gotten even more handsome over the years and the tattoos and piercings only made him hotter. He was breathtaking. I’d slammed my laptop after watching his interview and jerked off for about an hour. It was insane that he still turned me inside out.

  I picked up my rental and made the forty-five-minute drive toward my parents’ place. It was a little after midnight so I was surprised to see the lights inside were still on. I figured they’d be sleeping by now, but the front door swung open and my mom stepped out. I was almost thirty years old and I still acted like a five-year-old whenever I saw my mom. I didn’t even bother closing the car door before I ran into her waiting arms. She hugged me tightly and I held her close to my chest.

  Connor and I were lucky. We’d been blessed with two of the most amazing and understanding parents. Having one gay son was one thing but having two? It probably shocked the shit out of them. But they never, not once, made me nor Connor feel like what we felt was wrong. When Benji told us he was gay, my mom swore it was genetic. Benji wasn’t theirs biologically but he belonged to them in every way a kid could. My parents loved their children fiercely. They defended us with all they had and to hell with anyone who spoke negatively about any of us.

  My mom was my rock. She supported me in all that I chose to do in my life. She didn’t care that I was indecisive with my major, she’d just call me a free spirit. When I dropped out of school, she’d been disappointed, but she understood. When I re-enrolled, she never said a word. She allowed me to be me and I loved her for it. She let me choose my own path, which eventually led me toward being a communications major. I was fluent in four different languages and because of that, I was hired by a lot of people to be their translator. I worked for CEO’s, politicians, I even translated for a few famous K pop artists. I traveled a lot, so I was very rarely sitting still. It was how I liked it. But being home for the first time in eight years felt, unreal.

  “I’m so glad you made it,” Mom said as she squeezed me tightly.

  “Are you kidding me? Thirty years of wedded bliss and you think I’d miss it?” I joked and she giggled before she pulled away. She looked me over and smiled as she cupped my cheek.

  “It’s good to see your face,” she said, and my heart swelled and ached at the same time. A year and a half was a long time to go without seeing them and I felt like shit for letting my life get too busy for my family. My mom’s joy at seeing me made me want to kick my own ass for being gone for so long. But no more. I’d never stay away from her or my dad this long again.

  “Go on and grab your things. Dad tried to stay awake but he’s such an old man,” she said, and I laughed. She and my dad were far from old. They’d gotten married really young. And at fifty-four and fifty-five they still looked and acted like they were in their early forties. Connor and I came from some good genes and I was proud to admit that.

  I got my bags from the trunk and rolled them inside. The house had changed a lot over the years. My mom had told me she and Dad had renovated, adding on to the house as well as a pool house in the back yard that they turned into a small apartment that they sometimes rented out.

  The place looked like it had been pulled right off the pages of a pottery magazine. It was all very farmhouse meets the suburbs.

  “It looks amazing in here, Mom,” I said as I looked around.

  “Thanks baby; you can take a good look later but it’s late. So, go on up to your room and I’ll see you in the morning.” She kissed me on the cheek and made her way up the stairs. I locked up the front of the house before I followed behind her. When I walked toward my room, memories of the last time I was here replayed in my mind. Chills raced down my spine as I entered the room.

  It looked nothing like it had when I’d left. My parents had replaced all of the furniture and my full-sized bed was now a king. A thick navy blue and grey comforter adorned the bed with matching decorative pillows. The dressers were painted a matte grey that matched the bedframe and headboard. Near the window was a plush looking reading chair with a small bookshelf next to it. It was beautiful but my chest ached a bit.

  Change was good and I knew that. Maybe this was the first sign that I needed to let go of what happened with Benji. Speaking of Benji, I walked back to the door and stared at the door a few feet down. It was open, telling me no one was inside. I was sure I was the only guest in the house but a part of me had hoped he’d be here.

  I shook my head before I moved back into my room and closed the door. Things had changed, and I needed to prepare myself to face the fact that maybe Benji
had changed too and wanted absolutely nothing to do with me.

  Chapter Three

  Benji

  My fists clenched the steering wheel as I drove up the familiar street. I hadn’t been to visit in almost six months. After the show aired, it was nearly impossible to catch a break, but I did see Liz and Tony whenever they came to the city for a night out.

  I didn’t know what I was walking into. I didn’t know if Owen was going to ignore me like he used to or if he’d be awkward around me. It was an awkward situation. The last time we’d seen each other, he’d had his dick in my mouth and mine in his. It couldn’t get more awkward than that.

  I groaned and rolled my eyes. I was acting like a teenage girl. I could do this. I’d just think of it as a one-night stand. A one and done. There was no need for me to feel awkward. Except my one-night stand had been my long-time crush. And over the years, I’d never been with anyone that could make me feel what I did with Owen. I’d tried, trust me I tried to find that same feeling, that same connection, hell I tried to find something better, but I’d found every one of them lacking.

  My last boyfriend Jax had come close. Really close actually. But in the end, it wasn’t meant to be. We wanted different things out of life and decided to end things. We were still pretty good friends and I saw him from time to time, but he just wasn’t what I needed.

  As I turned the corner and neared the house, my heart was beating so wildly in my chest that I could hear it. Eight years. It had been eight fucking years since I’d laid eyes on him. Eight years of questions. Eight years of confusion. Eight years of longing. I shook my head at that last thought. I didn’t long for Owen anymore. He’d made his choice when he ran away. I’d gotten his message loud and clear and I needed to remember that. He didn’t want me. He’d gotten what he wanted out of me and took off. I thought we’d shared something special. That it had been about more than just sex, but it was one sided. He just wanted a quick lay and he’d gotten it. Then he was gone. I’d had a long time to accept that and it sucked; even after eight long years, it still stung.

  I pulled into the parking lot behind a shiny luxury car. I knew it wasn’t Liz and Tony’s. I also knew it wasn’t Connor’s. Even though Connor was making a killing with all of his businesses, he wasn’t the type to splurge. He could be a millionaire and he’d still go out and buy himself a Toyota Prius. The most expensive things he owned were his business suits and he said it was so he could play the part so rich people would give him their money. It seemed to work for him because they’d invested in a number of his business ventures. Connor was doing well but not brand-new BMW well, which told me the car in front of me was a rental, and that rental likely belonged to Owen.

  I got out of my truck and gave myself a mental pep talk before I went inside. You can do this. You’re a grown man now Benji. You’ve been in a serious relationship. You’re hot! To hell with Owen. He missed out not you. You are cool. You are calm. You are Zen.

  I felt stronger and more in control as I walked up the porch steps. I didn’t knock, I never did. This was my home.

  “Yo!” I shouted as I walked inside. Seconds later Liz came around the corner and barreled into me.

  “My goodness, look at you; it feels like I haven’t seen you in years,” she said, and I laughed as I wrapped her up in a hug.

  “Exaggerating much?” I said and she swatted at my chest.

  “Maybe a little, but it always feels like that when I don’t see you boys. You’re all adults and doing adult things. We just miss you guys around here, that’s all.”

  I got what she was saying and gave her another hug. I lived the closest, so I had no excuse as to why I couldn’t see them more often and made a promise to change that. “I’ll stop by more often. Can’t have you being here bored out of your mind. God knows, Papa Tony can’t keep up with you.”

  “And not one lie was detected,” came his deep voice from the living room. I laughed and kissed Liz on top of the head while I made my way toward the living room where Tony was sitting.

  “Hey there, son,” he said as I rounded the couch and flopped down next to him. He gave me a one-armed hug before he kept the same arm around me.

  “What are you doing here? I thought we were all meeting at the restaurant tonight.”

  I scratched at my jaw and reached into my bag for what I’d come over there for. I was a bit nervous and I didn’t know how they’d react, but I wanted to give this to them in private. I already knew what Connor was giving them because we’d coordinated the gifts just that morning. Owen would have been involved but he hadn’t been answering the phone. I figured he was probably sleeping off the jet lag, so Connor just put his name on the gift with his.

  I could have waited to do it at the restaurant, but Liz was… well she was a bit theatrical and I really didn’t want dozens of eyes on us when she had the reaction she was about to have. I called her into the living room, and I heard a noise coming from upstairs.

  “Looks like Owen is finally awake,” Liz said as she walked into the living room. A knot caught in my throat, but I pushed past it. It didn’t matter to me that he was upstairs. I wasn’t there for him.

  I reached into my bag and pulled out the envelope. I stood up and gestured for Liz to sit. She looked worried but she took the seat next to her husband. I was suddenly nervous, and it made no sense. These two people in front of me, loved me. They were my parents for all intents and purposes. So, I took a deep breath.

  “You guys have been in my life since I was six years old. That’s a really long time to know someone. Even then you guys loved me and took me in without a second thought. I… I didn’t have the best life at home but whenever I was here, it was always… better. I felt safe here. Loved here. I knew I could be myself here.”

  Liz began wiping at her eye and I was so glad I chose to do this here instead of at the restaurant.

  “You didn’t have to take me in. You could have turned me away, but you didn’t. You took me in, and you’ve loved and cared for me as if I were your own.”

  “You are ours,” Tony said, and it was my turn to get choked up. But I wouldn’t cry. I needed to get this out.

  “I love you both, very much and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. You’ve shown me what real love looks like. You gave me the family I never knew was possible. I have memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I… can’t really put into words how grateful I am that you all took me in and loved me. I could stand up here and wax poetic for hours but instead I’m going to give you this.” I handed Tony the envelope and he stared down at it before he looked at Liz. She waved for him to open it and I closed my eyes.

  Simultaneous gasps met my ears and then Liz was crying. She collided with me and I chuckled as I wrapped her up in another hug. She sobbed against my chest as I swayed her from side to side. I opened my eyes and looked at Tony who stared down at the plane tickets in his hands. His hands trembled and when he looked up at me with tears in his eyes, it damn near bowled me over.

  Tony was one of the strongest men I’d ever known. He loved and cared for his family fiercely. He was hardworking and he did everything he could to make sure his family was taken care of. He and Liz both did. They didn’t take enough time for themselves and that was a shame. But with those plane tickets in his hand, he had no other choice.

  “Greece?” he said, his voice choked, and I shrugged.

  “You guys always talked about going and I know you almost came close but then Nana Jo died and well… life happened, and you had to put it off. Now, you don’t have to.”

  “This had to cost you a fortune,” Liz said as she wiped at her face. I shrugged again, starting to feel a bit shy. The tickets did cost a pretty penny, but they didn’t put a dent in my savings.

  “Don’t worry about that. It doesn’t amount to how much you both mean to me. To all of us,” I said. As if on cue, the front door swung open and Connor walked in dragging two large suitcases behind him. His smile was wide as he walked
over to his mom and placed a kiss on her cheek. He then reached into his pocket and pulled out another envelope.

  “What have you boys done?” she whispered as she took the second envelope. She opened it and screamed so loud my ears felt like they were bleeding.

  “Paris! We’re going to Paris and Greece? Oh, dear Lord, I think I’m going to faint.”

  She looked serious so Connor wrapped an arm around her as she leaned into him. Liz’s hand trembled as she held the tickets up to her face again.

  “I can’t believe you boys did this for us,” she whispered as fresh tears fell down her eyes. I had to look away to stop myself from crying.

  “There’s one more thing,” Connor said, and I frowned. That was all we had for them other than their hotel rooms being covered for the next three weeks. But then I looked behind Connor and saw Owen come into the room. His hair was ruffled with sleep and he had a beard now and dear Lord, did it look hot. He still looked amazing and I had the sudden urge to run away. I wanted to disappear before he could see that I wasn’t over him. That I still thought he was the most beautiful human being I’d ever seen in my entire life.

  But then he looked at me. His cornflower blue eyes met mine and it was like the world stopped spinning. It had been too long since I’d looked into those eyes. They were similar to his dad’s and brother’s but there was something unique about Owen’s. When they were on you, it was like he could see through to your soul and if he could see mine then he knew it was tattered. That it was a little weary and that he was the cause of it.

  I was the first to look away. His gaze was too intense, and I was sure we’d give ourselves away if we kept it up for much longer. But Connor… my very observant best friend didn’t miss the brief exchange. His eyes bounced between Owen and me with a frown on his face. He never understood why I didn’t want to come with them when they went to visit Owen or why Owen never seemed to ask about it. He figured we’d had a falling out, but it seemed neither of us could explain why.